Today I want to share something personal — the kind of story that stays with you forever. So grab a tissue… or ice cream… or both. Feel your feelings. You’re safe here.
If you’ve read any of my other writing, you already know there was a season of my life where overwhelmed doesn’t even begin to cover it. I had three jobs, two humans, a dog, and an entire household on my plate — alone. I lived in a constant state of overstimulation. My brain was always racing to the next thing:
the next shift,
the next meal,
the next bath,
the next bedtime.
Tunnel vision. Survival mode. No pause button.
Then one day — in the middle of my busiest shift of the week — my phone rang.
It was the school.
To this day, my heart still drops when I see their number pop up. You know the feeling. That instant panic before you even answer.
My daughter was in third grade at the time, and she was inseparable from her best friend. Lunch, recess, homework, playdates — they were glued together. On this call, I was told that her best friend had passed away in a house fire the night before.
Just like that, my world got even louder.
I was confused. I was heartbroken. I was busy. I was overstimulated. And I had no idea how I was supposed to go home and tell my seven-year-old that she would never see her best friend again.
How do you make your child feel safe when you don’t feel okay?
How do you hold space for their pain when you’re barely holding yourself together?
I didn’t have answers — but I learned a lot in that moment.
Here’s what helped us survive one of the hardest chapters of our lives.
First: Give Yourself Permission to Not Be “Okay”
This is important.
You do not have to be perfectly calm, perfectly composed, or perfectly healed to support your child. Kids don’t need superheroes — they need humans.
I let myself be honest (age-appropriately). I didn’t pretend everything was fine. I showed her that sadness is allowed. That grief is allowed. That big emotions don’t mean something is wrong with us.
Say Less Than You Think You Need To
When kids are processing something heavy, less is more.
You don’t need the perfect words. You don’t need explanations that make sense to adults. Simple, honest statements go a long way.
“I’m so sorry.”
“I know this hurts.”
“I’m here with you.”
Silence is okay. Sitting together is okay. You don’t need to fix the pain — just acknowledge it.
Regulate Yourself First (Even Just a Little)
When you’re overstimulated, your nervous system is already on edge. Before responding to their emotions, try one small reset:
- Take one deep breath
- Sit down at their level
- Put your feet on the floor
- Lower your voice
You don’t need to be calm — just calmer than you were five seconds ago.
Kids borrow our regulation. Even a tiny bit helps.
Let Their Emotions Be Messy
Grief doesn’t look the same every day. One moment they’re crying, the next they’re laughing, then suddenly angry over something small.
That’s normal.
Let them talk about it when they want. Let them not talk about it when they don’t. Let the emotions come and go without trying to control them.
There is no timeline for big feelings.
Keep Routines When You Can
In moments where everything feels out of control, routines feel safe.
Even simple things help:
- Bedtime rituals
- Meals together
- School drop-offs
- Familiar activities
Routine doesn’t erase pain — but it gives kids something steady to hold onto.
You Don’t Have to Carry It Alone
This one took me time to learn.
Reach out for help. Teachers. Counselors. Family. Friends. Support systems exist for a reason — and using them is not a failure.
You’re not weak for needing help. You’re human.
A Gentle Reminder for Overstimulated Parents
Helping your child through big emotions when you’re overwhelmed is one of the hardest things you’ll ever do. You will get it wrong sometimes. You will feel inadequate. You will question yourself.
But showing up — even messy, exhausted, and unsure — is enough.
Your presence matters more than perfect words.
Your love matters more than having it all together.
Life is heavy sometimes. And navigating our kids’ emotions while carrying our own is not easy — but we are capable.
Even on the hardest days. 💛